Stressing Here!

My mind was made up... I was going to start Hayden in 4K next year since her birthday falls on Aug 29th and the school cut off date is Sept. 1. We cancelled the screening she was supposed to do and we thought that was it.... until I get a 'Welcome' letter in the mail letting us know who her teacher will be beginning on Aug 29th, the first day of school!! WHAT? I called to ask about holding her back and they cannot say that there will be a space next year in the 4K program and we would need to sign up for Kindergarten. Well, I definitely do not want to skip the 4K process so we are sending her to school..... THIS August! I know there are a lot of ppl who would not understand why I would want to "hold" her back a year but if she were born 3 days later, she would not have had a choice for 4K this year. This being said, we will be going to the BIG meet the teacher day next Monday!! Ahh!! This also meant that I had to find a way to get her to and from school. My caretaker is a true God-send! I hate to have to find anything else esp after searching for so long for someone so wonderful. We found a daycare that does pick up and drop off at school so both Hayden and Hunter will be going to ..... daycare. There is really nothing wrong with daycare so I hate to feel the way I do about it but I just never thought my children would go so young (or wishfully, ever) Please don't strike me for this... I know there are good daycares out there and good people who run them and now I will just have to trust that I have found one that will be just that and more! I also hope that Hunter being so small still will not get sick from being with so many other little babies. 

This year has truly been the toughest, most emotional, and yet the most rewarding year of my life. I could not be more thankful for my family and my accomplishments. When I was pregnant I thought for sure I would have anxiety having two children if I did when I only had one. I was so 'afraid' to have 2 kids but I did not end up have any ppd! I thought that things wouldn't be as exciting as the first baby.... but it was like a whole new 'firsts' and just as exciting!! I struggled with cloth diapers with #1 and my baby boy has been in them since 5 weeks old! I did not go back to work for 9 months after dd so going back to work 6 weeks after ds was extremely difficult.... finding childcare for the 2 most precious jewels in your life is the hardest decision ever! I did it! I have just proved to myself that things really do work out the way they are supposed to and I have trusted God and give Him all the glory for "making it through" the past few months!! 

Breastfeeding has always been a "must" for me . I loved it for Hayden and just as much for this little one. I had my struggles with it as well. Right after ds was born my dad went in the hospital with lung cancer and that put a lot of stress on me (and my family) My milk supply had gotten very low and I was doing everything I could to keep up. That was even more stressful and very tempting to just "give up" I actually got off the mini pill and kept taking herbal supplements until my supply built back up. It is truly amazing how different your body is with each child. I had an abundant supply with the first and started my period back immediately. With this one I have had such a hard time with my supply yet no period yet. With this one I do not get let downs or leak or need nipple cream or breast pads, etc like I did with my first.

This all brings me to this. We are weaning from breastfeeding. I know that I am ready but it is still very emotional for me. Hunter doesn't seem to notice or "root" when I am holding him and it helps that he loves his bottle, lol it is actually kind of funny to watch him when he sees a bottle. But anyway, I have been slowing down a lot and just can't seem to remember how to eventually stop. I would like my morning feeding to be the last to go and so far that is what I am at right now but I still have to pump at night or I get really engorged. Actually today will be the first day that I will not be pumping during the day! :/

Sorry this is so lengthy, I told ya, I am still so emotional. But thank you for reading. 

Look at my two cuties in the tub! I love this picture!!